Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Text for Editing Practice, Part I (Body Art essay)

Paragraph A (body paragraph):
In my opinion, I am agreement on music therapy is a good method for health. For instance, I have heard that doctor often advices people to hear some gentler music to keep gently. That makes a good environment to help people to ease anxiety, and helps sick cure quick.

Edited
In my opinion, music therapy is a good method for health. For example, I have heard that doctor often advice people to hear some gentle music to keep themselves relax. This helps people to get out of anxiety and sickness quickly.

Paragraph B (conclusion paragraph):
In conclusion, we can get different messages from the music. For instance, when we feel the stress of getting too much work to deal with, we can use the music to relax ourselves. On the other hand, we can also use music to keep our bodies to stay healthy. To me, music is a magic tool to help us managing our mind.

Edited
In conclusion, we can differ message from the music. Therefor, when we feel the stress of getting too much work to deal with, we can use the music to relax ourselves. On the other hand, we can also use music to keep our body to stay healthy and to me music is a magic tool to helps me managing my mind.

Paragraph C (conclusion paragraph):
Music has many powerful ways to effects our body and mind. It relaxes our body and prevents the harmful effects of chronic stress. Now, we can think about music therapy and other benefits of it without wondering, and believe that music is a good tool for health.

Edited
Indeed, music has many powerful ways to effect our body and mind. It relaxes our body and prevents the harmful effects from chronic stress. Now, we can think about music therapy and other benefits from it without wondering, and we can believe that music is a good tool for health.

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